TATIANNA, THE NOW-PLAYING MANNEQUIN

For the longest time, I wanted a mannequin for The Museum of Stuff.

Not a mannequin for dressing up--I couldn't care less about fashion or clothing.  I wanted the kind of mannequin you'd see in an indie record store, the one next to the record player over by the cash register.

When it's time to play a new album, you stick the sleeve in the hands of the "now playing" mannequin.

You know what I'm talking about. Everybody knows this.

Anyway, mannequins are expensive and not the kind of thing anyone parts with willingly.

And then I met Tatianna.

Tatianna has a chip on her shoulder, just like every indie record store employee

I knew immediately that Tatianna would make a fine addition to The Museum of Stuff, but it wasn't until I hauled her home and stuck a record sleeve in her outstretched palm that I fully understood what I had.

Happiness is a quiet, unassuming mannequin who works overtime . . .

. . . who also reveres Brian Wilson . . .

. . . has a soft spot for Frank Zappa . . .

. . . and knows who Emitt Rhodes is.

And you should see the way Tatianna handles a 45:

Everybody's crazy  for those "Kinky Boots" (Honor Blackman and Patrick Macnee)

And Tatianna hasn't got time for people who haven't got time for Lambert, Hendricks, & Ross

ADDRESSING L' ENFANT IN THE ROOM

I've had pretty good luck lately, finding things of interest. 

Sometimes I'll see something I already have and wonder if the copy I own is as good as the copy in front of me. It's not easy finding older books and records in pristine condition, but it happens. With records, there's always the added attraction of liner notes or inserts. With books, you never what someone will stuff between the pages. Newspaper clippings and letters are fairly common, but I've also found photographs, check stubs, and plane tickets.

The other day, I found this Elektra folk sampler from 1958.

Folk Sampler 5 (Elektra SMP-5)

I'm a sucker for early Elektra vinyl and I already own several of their samplers.  What put this particular $3 record over the top wasn't the presence of Theodore Bikel or Josh White, or even the version of "Day-O" recorded by Lord Foodoos. 

It was the tiny printed songbook tucked in the sleeve.

I've never thrust my fist in the air and shouted "score" when I find something nice, but I've seen others do it and I'm almost always embarrassed by it. Instead, I quietly walked up to the counter and paid for the record. 

Hot on the heels of the Elektra sampler, I found a copy of Margaret Crosland's biography of Jean Cocteau. 

I previously purchased a copy of the book in Denver, but this one contained a copy of Cocteau's obituary from the San Francisco Examiner (October 12, 1963). 

If you've forgotten that Edith Piaf died the same day as Cocteau, and that the news of her death supposedly triggered Cocteau's fatal heart attack, now might be a good time to brush up.

Here's the quote, according to the newspaper article:

"I have an awful fever and the death of Edith Piaf chokes me up," he said. "Piaf had genius, she was inimitable, there will never be another Piaf."  He lay down on a couch and was dead when a doctor arrived.

The book was just one of several things I bought at Goodwill on Saturday morning. There was a signed copy of Robin Lampson's epic verse novel of the California Gold Rush:

A Modern Library version of Women in Love that I don't already own:

And a dirty novel by Gil Herbert, published by Midwood:

I paid for the books and peeled off all the Goodwill stickers while I sat in the parking lot. Then I whispered "score" and drove away.

GOOD AS I BIN TO YOU

You can't always count on the dollar bins. Sometimes they give, sometimes they are unforgiving. 

I flip through record bins everywhere I go. Thrift stores, bookstores, record stores. Everybody knows this. Naturally, I expect to find the best records in the record stores and the worst records in the thrift stores, but that's not always the case. 

Remember that Robert Mitchum record I snagged at a local bookstore last week? There were boxes and boxes of $1 records stacked on the ground but I was meeting my son for lunch and didn't have time to crawl around thumbing through vinyl.

Today, I made time.

Harpo by Harpo Marx (Mercury Wing MGW 12164, 1964)

Delirium in Hi-Fi by Elsa Popping and her Pixieland Band (Andre Popp) (Columbia WL 106, 1958)

Homer and Jethro at the Convention (RCA Victor LPM-2492, 1962)

The Mermaid Theatre presents Lock Up Your Daughters (Decca LK 4320, 1959)

Bill Carty Blasts Off! (Stereoddities CC-1, 1961)

Relaxing Body and Mind  by Milton Feher (Folkways Records FX 6191, 1962)

Havana, 3 a.m. by Perez Prado and His Orchestra  (RCA Victor LPM-1257, 1956)

At the Drop of a Hat by Flanders and Swann (Angel Records 35797, 1959)

Totally Bananas by Rose and the Arrangement (Twink Records TLP 1001, 1981)

Lots of no-brainers here. Lots of records considered, lots of dollars paid.

The last time I saw a Harpo Marx record, it was marked $50. Too rich for my blood, friends. A buck I can handle. Not only did this one immediately go in the "yes" pile, it forced me to look at every dollar record in the joint. The moment you find something good, you're screwed.

The next record I grabbed, Delirium in Hi-Fi, caught my eye thanks to William Steig's cover art. Turns out the record is pretty important in its own right.  Andre Popp, the French fellow who wrote "Love is Blue," composed the music for the album and Pierre Fatosme created the sound effects.  They released their team effort under the name "Elsa Popping and her Pixieland Band." Don't ask me why. Maybe it's a French thing? 

An unusual album, to say the least. 

I've never listened to Homer and Jethro, not ever. I bought this album strictly for the Jack Davis artwork.

Lock up Your Daughters? Never heard of it. I have heard of Lionel Bart, who wrote the songs for Oliver! According to the liner notes, Lock Up Your Daughters is based on Henry Fielding's Rape Upon Rape. Great premise for a musical, huh?

Normally, I'm not a big fan of rape but I can overlook almost anything so long as the songs are catchy.

Check out Bill Carty's face on the cover of Bill Carty Blasts Off! and tell me you wouldn't pay a dollar for this platter. Impossible, right?

Richard Swift's excellent The Atlantic Ocean (Secretly Canadian, 2009) contains a song called "A Song for Milton Feher." I never really thought twice about who Milton Feher was (or might be) and then this Folkways record materialized in front of me. 

Apparently, there was a Milton Feher School of Dance and Relaxation and if you listen to Milton's recorded voice and follow the instructions in the 8-page booklet, you'll not only learn how to relax, you'll learn to sit correctly, improve your posture, and breathe without effort. Definitely worth a buck.

Perez Prado? 'Nuff said. Let me hear you say "¡Dilo!"

Flanders and Swann. One guy plays piano, the other guy's in a wheelchair. Hilarity ensures. 

Totally Bananas looked like a lot of fun. I'm a sucker for novelty records, obviously, but Rose and the Arrangement didn't exactly ring any bells.  Neither did cuts like "Last Tango in Pahrump" or "The Cockroach That Ate Cincinatti." But unlike you, I am willing to gamble with one hundred pennies. I am willing to take a leap.  

Got home, saw the latter song was a huge hit on Dr. Demento's radio show. Pulled the record out of my shopping bag. Saw the endorsement from Demento himself, five whole paragraphs, on the back of the album.

Sometimes it pays to read, especially when you're in a bookstore looking at records.

FAKE SIDES

Sounds For Sick? People (Shell S 1711)

I found this in the bins and immediately thought it was a joke. 

Back in the 1960s, a company called High In-Fidelity Records issued a bunch of novelty record covers (sleeves only, no vinyl inside) with titles like Songs For Swinging Mothers, Music for Mixed Emotions, Music For Casual Affairs, Music For Half-Assed Friends, etc. Nudity was strongly encouraged, but not essential.

Each empty sleeve had an insert that read "I Bought This Album For You As A Gift . . . Sorry I Couldn't Afford The Record."

Sounds For Sick? People was a real record, compiled by Dr. Herb Breger and issued on his own Shell Records. Breger was a dentist, but that didn't keep him from issuing music by The Ivy Three, The Delacardos, The Pyramids, and The Daddy-O's.

The music looks like a mix of standards ("St. James Infirmary," "I'm Beginning To See the Light," and "Dry Bones") along with tunes like "Ulcer Alley" and "X-Ray Eyes."  

I'm kinda glad my record player is already packed up.

DECAY

So I bought this the other day and it reminded me just how fond I was of Danny Kaye when I was a young man.



Mommy, Gimme a Drinka Water by Danny Kaye (Capitol Records T 937)

Not every movie, though. I was choosy.

Wonder Man, yes, and A Song is Born. Anything that co-starred Vera Ellen and Virginia Mayo.

I loved The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, not realizing at the time how it bothered Thurber. And I loved The Kid From Brooklyn, not realizing how much was cribbed from Harold Lloyd. I was never a big fan of Hans Christian Andersen or The Court Jester or any of the others. 

But looking at this album now, it's a little scary. A grown man in a sailor suit and knee socks! Maybe it's my unnatural fear of adults in oversized chairs or my dislike of berets. 

Or maybe it's my history with Danny Kaye albums.  I didn't grow up with this one, but I did grow up with Danny Kaye Tells 6 Stories from Faraway Places. 

Scared the shit out of me.



Columbia Presents Danny Kaye (Columbia Records Set C-91)

This collection of 78s was something I found out in Sun City.

I love everything about it: the photo of Kaye, the artwork, the design. Nothing sinister about Kaye singing "Anatole of Paris" or whipping the crowd into a frenzy for "Minnie the Moocher."

I still like a lot of the stuff I used to like, but I don't like everything I used to like.

TAKING MR. CULTURE BY THE HORNS

I always thought these guys were a lot of fun.

Songs For Children by The Coctails (Hi-Ball Records EPR-4184)

JUST LIKE SISTER RAY SAID

The other day, while browsing through the dollar bins, I saw a kid hold up a Velvet Underground record to his friend, and the friend said, "I've always been a little skeptical of The Velvet Underground." 

The other kid nodded, and stuck the record back where he found it.

Look, I'm as brash and opinionated as any asshole flipping through the dollar bins, but is it my responsibility to stick my nose in somebody else's musical education?  

Nope. 

I myself have a long and shameful history of completely dismissing things out of hand. I don't like camping, I'm wary of vegans, and someday I will get around to watching every episode of Deadwood. 

The only responsibility I have in a record store is to volunteer correct information if, and only if, the customer stumps the employee with a question. The same is true in bookstores. 

On matters of taste, I'm as neutral as Switzerland. 

If Sara or Sam asked me about Lou Reed or The Velvet Underground, I'd make an effort. I'd pull out the vinyl, make some suggestions, burn a cd of essential tracks. I wouldn't start with a 40-minute version of "Sister Ray" either. I'd begin with my personal favorites, acknowledge the band's place in music history, and leave the rest to them.

Like it, don't like it, I don't care. Confirm or deny that electricity comes from other planets. But c'mon, it's the 21st century. Almost everything is readily available and begging to be assessed. Like this, follow that.

There's no reason to be skeptical or ignorant of anything.

The Velvet Underground (Macfadden Books, 1963) and The Velvet Underground Revisited (Macfadden, 1968)

FROM THE DOLLAR BIN

Somewhere by P. J. Proby (Liberty LST-7406)

Tab Hunter by Tab Hunter (Warner Bros. Records  1221)

James Mason Reads  The Imp of the Perverse Shadow & Lionizing by Edgar Allen (sic) Poe (LA 30006)

Kinda Kinks by The Kinks (Reprise 6173)

The Proby was a very pleasant surprise, particularly his take on "Que Sera Sera." 

I'm a sucker for celebrity albums, so the Tab Hunter was a no-brainer. It's certainly not great, but it's fairly inoffensive. Good browsing music, I suppose. It's the kind of thing you could throw on in a bookstore on a Sunday afternoon and someone will ask you who it is and then scratch their head the moment you tell them.   

I didn't have any spoken word albums from Lively Arts a couple of weeks ago and now I have three. I like the art direction on all three albums, so I'll forgive the mangling of Poe's middle name.

I really love "Nothin' In The World Can Stop Me Worryin' 'Bout That Girl" but I bought this copy of Kinda Kinks for the back cover, which I've never seen before. 

I guess I'm lucky Ray Davies doesn't like drawing straight lines. 

DIANE ARBUS, REAL ESTATE PHOTOGRAPHER

We used to play a game where we matched notable figures with wildly inappropriate occupations. Comedian Gilbert Gottfried seems like he'd make a loud and terribly indiscreet gynecologist, but the best example we came up with, the one that always made us laugh, was "Diane Arbus, real estate photographer."

Can you picture it? Identical twins, drag queens, circus performers, and a tense kid with a toy grenade, all posing in front of various properties.

Sheesh.

Larry Storch Reads Philip Roth's Epstein (Lively Arts, LA 30005)

I bring it up because the other day I found this recording of comedian Larry Storch reading Philip Roth's "Epstein."  

At first glance, it seems like an odd match.  Roth, who won the National Book Award in 1960 for Goodbye, Columbus was just launching a serious literary career. His first novel, Letting Go, was still forthcoming when Lively Arts issued this record in 1962, according to the liner notes written by noted jazz critic Nat Hentoff.  

At the time, Storch was primarily known as a comedian and night club performer.  His film and television career was just taking off, though his stint as Corporal Agarn in the television series F-Troop was still several years away.

As I continued browsing, I found another Lively Arts recording that did make sense: Burgess Meredith reading two short stories by Ray Bradbury.  

Burgess Meredith Reads Ray Bradbury (Lively Arts, LA 30004)

Burgess Meredith was already a distinguished film, stage, and television actor and his portrayal of the book-loving Henry Bemis in the "Time Enough At Last" episode of The Twilight Zone (1959)surely scored points with science-fiction fans.  

In fact, Meredith was Bradbury's personal choice to read his stories ("There Will Come Soft Rains" & "Marionettes, Inc.") according to Joe Glodberg's album notes.

 

I paid for the records and researched Lively Arts when I got home.  The label, an imprint of Prestige Records, was only active from 1961-64.  Other spoken word entries include Roddy McDowell reading H.P. Lovecraft, James Mason reading Edgar Allan Poe and Herman Melville, and Norman Mailer reading his own work.

Groovy.

HEAVY HANGS THE TOOTH THAT WEARS THE CROWN

Hello Young Lovers by Jimmy Durante (Warner Bros. Records 1531) 

Everything is crazy right now.  I haven't worked in a month, my insurance officially ended yesterday, and my temporary crown is bothering me. It's a dull ache, a mild throb. The pain actually woke me the other night, but a little Ibuprofen in the morning and a little rum in the evening takes the edge off.

I interviewed for a job yesterday and to be honest, there's really nothing great about it. It's inconveniently located, the pay is terrible, and there's zero chance of promotion. Still, after a month of applying for jobs, this is the first time someone contacted me and said we'd like you to come in and talk with us. 

I arrived early and filled out some paperwork. The guy was very nice and as I drove away I realized it was the first time in a month I've had the opportunity to put on some work clothes and speak with someone civilized.  

Even if things don't work out, it was a moment I will remember and appreciate.

SAY MAN

Go Bo Diddley (Checker LP1436)

I started buying Bo Diddley records back in the late '80s, on sound advice from music-loving co-workers.   

Go Bo Diddley. Bo Diddley is a Gunslinger.  These were the original Chess masters, reissued by MCA.  I worked in Westwood and lived in Santa Monica.  It was a nice walk home, an opportunity to unwind.  

On days when I had money in my pocket, I frequently stopped at the old Rhino Records on Westwood Blvd.  When my pockets were empty, I purposely walked on the other side of the street, to avoid temptation.

I don't remember the first time I heard "Say Man."  

There's a chance I was sitting on the floor in front of my stereo, listening intently, reading liner notes about Diddley's legacy, his influence on other artists.  Or maybe I was  standing at the kitchen sink, washing dishes, listening to the music waft in from the other room.  Either way, the song's been in my consciousness for nearly 30 years.

Do you know "Say Man?"  It's basically Diddley and Jerome Green goofing on each other, three minutes of classic chops-busting over a hellishly rhythmic beat.

Say man 

What's that boy?

I want to tell you 'bout your girlfriend

What about my girl?

Well, you don't look strong enough to take the message

I'm strong enough

I might hurt your feelings

My feelings are already hurt by being here with you

Well, I was walking down the street with your girl the other day

Uh-huh

And the wind was blowin' real hard

Is that right?

And the wind blew her hair into my face

Uh-huh

You know what else happened?

What happened?

The wind blew her hair into her face

Yeah?

And we went a little further, you wanna hear the rest of it?

I might as well

The wind blew her hair into the street

Okay, since you told me about my girl, 

I'm gonna tell you about yours.  

I was walking down the street with your girl

Yes?

I took her home, for a drink, you know

Took her home?

Yeah, just for a drink

Oh

But that chick looked so ugly, s

he had to sneak up on the glass to get a drink of water

You've got the nerve to call somebody ugly. Why, you're so ugly, the stork that brought you in the world oughta be arrested

That's alright, my momma didn't have to put a sheet o

n my head so sleep could slip up on me

Look a here

What's that?

Where are you from?

South America

What's that?

South America

You don't look like no South American to me

I'm still from South America

What part?

South Texas

Where are your workin' boots at?

I've got 'em on

There aren't no boots you got on, those are brogans

Hey, look a here

What's that?

I've been tryin' to figure out what you is

I already figured out what you is

What's that?

You that thing I throw peanuts at

Look a here

What's that?

You should be ashamed of yourself

Why?

Calling people ugly

I didn't call you ugly

What you say?

I said you was ruined, that's all

You know somethin'?

What?

You look like you've bin whooped with a ugly stick

Hey, I ain't got nothin' to do with it but I beat a fella right

Back then, I never thought I'd own any original Diddley vinyl, but I picked up a ratty but still playable copy of his debut six months ago. 

The other day, I found Go Bo Diddley.

Do you know I have the same record player from my Westwood days?  It's older than my daughter, but it still plays like a champ.  

I put the record on and I filled the kitchen sink with soapy water and I waited for the last long on the first side to play.

Bo Diddley died in 2008, but "Say Man" still plays like a champ.

SINGLES GOING STEADY

"Yesterday b/w Act Naturally" by The Beatles (Capitol 5498)

"The Dangling Conversation b/w The Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine" by Simon and Garfunkel (Columbia 4-43728)

ALL THE SINGLES, LADIES

I traded some books in this morning, before meeting Sammy for lunch.  I didn't find many new books, but I picked up some nice 7" singles, all with picture sleeves.  

"Don't Worry Baby b/w I Get Around" by The Beach Boys (Capitol 5174)

"Paperback Writer b/w Rain" by The Beatles (Capitol 5651)

"You Don't Have to Tell Me b/w Nobody I Know" by Peter and Gordon (Capitol 5211)

"Glad All Over b/w I Know You" by The Dave Clark Five (Epic 5-9656)

"Daydream b/w Night Owl Blues" by The Lovin' Spoonful  (Kama Sutra - KA 208)

"Surf City b/w She's My Summer Girl" by Jan & Dean (Liberty 55580)