"Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk."

"You will be fine for 31 minutes. You will be dead in 32 minutes."

Sunday, July 20, 2014


For the longest time, I wanted a mannequin for The Museum of Stuff.

Not a mannequin for dressing up--I couldn't care less about fashion or clothing.  I wanted the kind of mannequin you'd see in an indie record store, the one next to the record player over by the cash register.

When it's time to play a new album, you stick the sleeve in the hands of the "now playing" mannequin.

You know what I'm talking about. Everybody knows this.

Anyway, mannequins are expensive and not the kind of thing anyone parts with willingly.

And then I met Tatianna.

Tatianna has a chip on her shoulder, just like every indie record store employee

I knew immediately that Tatianna would make a fine addition to The Museum of Stuff, but it wasn't until I hauled her home and stuck a record sleeve in her outstretched palm that I fully understood what I had.

Happiness is a quiet, unassuming mannequin who works overtime . . .

. . . who also reveres Brian Wilson . . .

. . . has a soft spot for Frank Zappa . . .

. . . and knows who Emitt Rhodes is.

And you should see the way Tatianna handles a 45:

Everybody's crazy  for those "Kinky Boots" (Honor Blackman and Patrick Macnee)

And Tatianna hasn't got time for people who haven't got time for Lambert, Hendricks, & Ross