"Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk."

"You will be fine for 31 minutes. You will be dead in 32 minutes."

Thursday, August 1, 2013


I've been letting my hair grow, mostly for my own amusement. After six years of closely cropped hair, it's been strange watching my sideburns bloom.

One of my friends said, "I didn't expect your hair to be dark." 

Really? Am I that old? Maybe it's dark on the outside 'cause that's how I feel on the inside.  Did you ever think of that?

I shaved my beard last night and did that thing bored men do: I left the most hideous mustache imaginable and took pictures.

I would never leave the house like this, not even on a dare.

This is what I looked like:

If you know me at all, you know I couldn't stop laughing while I tried to look serious for the camera. I'm talking non-stop giggle fits.

It's creepy, right? 

This 'stache, a blue windbreaker, a bag of candy, and I'm immediately banned for life from elementary school playgrounds. 

There's something about this guy in the mirror I don't trust.

Once my image had been duly recorded, I quickly said adios to the crumb catcher and hola to my smooth upper lip.

But on the plus side, I now have an image for my next comedy album.

If I didn't know better, I'd say this guy collects vintage erotica.

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